{"id":9258,"date":"2014-04-04T13:47:37","date_gmt":"2014-04-04T17:47:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/femmesansenfants.com\/my-first-interview-in-english-having-tea-in-london-with-sophia\/"},"modified":"2014-04-04T13:47:37","modified_gmt":"2014-04-04T17:47:37","slug":"my-first-interview-in-english-having-tea-in-london-with-sophia","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/femmesansenfant.com\/en\/my-first-interview-in-english-having-tea-in-london-with-sophia\/","title":{"rendered":"My first interview in english: having tea in London with Sophia."},"content":{"rendered":"

Photo: Catherine-Emmanuelle Delisle<\/em><\/p>\n

For a couple of months now, I have been chatting with a group of woman who live in the UK, and who are part of a community named Gateway Woman. This group, created by author, entrepreneur and childless woman by circumstance, Jody Day, has been a source of rich exchanges and great support. It was created to give a voice to women who are childless by circumstance.<\/em><\/p>\n

When I decided to go to London last march, to attend the WOW Festival, one of the biggest feminist festival in the world, I had the pleasure of finally meeting some of the members of the group. It was an amazing moment to connect with women I knew had experienced similar difficulties and questionings as I had . <\/em><\/p>\n

Today, I am proud to present the first of a series of interviews in English with childless women by circumstance. To preserve their privacy, some of the women will remain anonymous.<\/em><\/p>\n

I hope these interviews will bring you the hope and the sense that you are not alone going through infertility. Because you are not, at least not anymore….<\/em><\/p>\n

March 9th, 2014<\/i><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Sophia ( that’s the name I chose to call her), a 47 years- old teacher and I met at Sketch, one of the most original places you can find in London to have afternoon tea, on March 9th. <\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>Before meeting, we had chatted a bit on the internet, exchanging short messages to plan our meeting. She was ready to talk about her childlessness. I accepted her confession with great respect between small sips of a <\/em>delightful osmanthys tea and a couple of bites of perfectly baked scones.<\/i><\/p>\n

1-Sophia, tell me about your story of infertility.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I met my husband when I was 22 and we married 5 years later, when I was 27. We started trying for a family when I was 30, but nothing happened, ever.<\/p>\n

After trying for a year to get pregnant, we went to see a doctor. We were then instructed to have sex everyday for six months. I think the obligation of having sex every night put a huge strain on our relationship. I don’t think our sex life has ever recovered from it.<\/p>\n

Six months later, going back to the doctor, we discovered that I was not actually ovulating and that my husband’s sperm weren’t moving well. After some tests, it was also shown that I was suffering from endometriosis: I had a large cyst removed. Finnaly, I had discovered what was the cause of the great pain I had been experiencing for years.<\/p>\n

By the time I was 34 ,we started natural cycle IVF, which was unsuccessful. Then we tried one cycle of stimulated IVF, which also failed.<\/p>\n

Then, we decided to get on with the rest of our lives. But we just didn’t realise how difficult this would be…<\/p>\n

2- When you were a child, could you picture yourself having kids? If so, how many kids did you think you would have and what names would you have given them?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have worked with children most of my career and have always wanted to have a family. My husband is Polish so I considered Polish names like Tadeusz for a boy and Urszula for a girl.<\/p>\n

3- Appart from your students, are children present in your life?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes. I have one niece and three nephews.<\/p>\n

4-What is important in your life, Sophia?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Connecting with my family, friends and acquaintances makes my life meaningful, as does my job. Hobbies help me to enjoy my life. I am active in my local community. That helps me to lead what I believe is a meaningful life.<\/p>\n

5- Do childless women have a place in society? What do you think their role is?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have struggled to find a meaning and a purpose to my life. I have felt that I do not have a place in society. I felt disconnected from the world. However, I now believe that because of the challenges and difficulties that I have experienced, I can connect more deeply with others. I feel I have an equal place in society, as any other person.<\/p>\n

6- Do you think childless woman are well represented in the media?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Childless women are not represented positively in the media. We are often portrayed as the baddie, the wicked stepmother, the infertile woman who wants another woman’s child, etc. I feel that pregnancy and childbirth very often are reported in the media as ” they -all- lived- happily- ever- after” stories. As infertile women, these narratives only highlight our own failures.<\/p>\n

7- Did you have to go through the grief of not being able to : have a family, give birth or be a mother?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have suffered from serious depression as I had to face my childlessness. It is definitely an experience of grief.<\/p>\n

8- How do you see yourself growing old without children?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I can’t really think about that question…<\/p>\n

9-According to you, what are the advantages of living without children?<\/strong><\/p>\n

My husband and I are free. We can do what we like , if we like, when we like. We have been able to work flexibly and have not been tied to jobs that we don’t like. However, infertility has put a huge strain on our marriage. We are free, but it isn’t a freedom that we would choose, given the choice.<\/p>\n

10-Do you have any pets? What do they add to your life as a childless woman?<\/strong><\/p>\n

We had a kitten named Mli Mli, who was killed on the road outside our house. She was just 11 months. She had made us a family and we were devastated by her death. It was so cruel. We adopted Tilly, our actual cat, a couple of months after our loss. Tilly is what they call a “home hugger” : she does not go out the front of our house and does not leave our garden. I could not go through losing an other cat the way Mli Mli died.<\/p>\n

Pets offer childless women somebody to love and nurture, to mother.<\/p>\n

11-What are your goals for the next year?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am now 47 and it’s only in the last year, with the help of an amazing counsellor, that I have been able to say: “…We don’t have children; we won’t have children and that’s alright. It is not what we had planned, but we will be okay…”<\/p>\n

I also hope to recover from a serious bout of depression this year and start living a life of adventure with my husband!<\/p>\n

Take good care Sophia and thank you for your great company.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And for the curious cats, have a look at where we had our tea : in the Gallery at Sketch, in London<\/em>:<\/i><\/p>\n

http:\/\/sketch.uk.com\/restaurant_and_bar.php?menu=1<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Photo: Catherine-Emmanuelle Delisle For a couple of months now, I have been chatting with a group of woman who live in the UK, and who are part of a community named Gateway Woman. This group, created by author, entrepreneur and childless woman by circumstance, Jody… <\/p>\n

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